Facing my own demons

adoption, adoption loss, life,

Out of the dark… Who I am….

I am the woman who was stripped of her role in life and thrown into the dark corners of silence. I was beaten down by their degradation time and time until I believed their lies and suffered quietly without words for years. I did what they wanted, I disappeared into the darkness and allowed the pain to engulf me.

I allowed them to not only take away from me the most important part of me, but also they took my dignity, my pride and my voice. I became the unwilling member of a club of silenced women. A group that lost everything thing in life that was worth speaking for. Shoved into a shadow, I remained there for years without words.

No one could see my pain, my shame, my tears, for I believed that I was not worthy of such display.  

I will be silent no longer! After years of my self imposed prison of silence I have discovered that I never deserved the life long punishment I received! They took my children out of my arms for no other reason than to satisfy their need to create their so called “perfect family”

With lies and deception, they took my children and pushed me into a dark closet. They told me that I had no rights as a mother, as a human. That I must live my life in this closet without voice and not make “waves”. And for almost 18 years, I did as I was told. I hid in that closet, terrified that anyone would learn of my terrible secret. I told myself that I was a mother no more. I had lost the right to be a mother…

But the truth is out now! I am a mother! I never deserved to loose that title or the position. I will not allow their shame to hold me in that darkness any longer. I am out in the light! I am singing to Heaven! I am a mother! A mother who is trying to find her way back to motherhood!

This is my Truth!


1 Comment »

  1. Hi,

    In search of adoption related websites on the internet I came accross your blog. As admin of poundpuplegacy.org an adoption related web community, I made a link available to your blog and a feed of your posts to our website as to promote your writing. Please pay us a visit and see for yourself.


    Comment by poundpup | December 22, 2006 | Reply

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