Facing my own demons

adoption, adoption loss, life,

Who is She?

I am the woman who hides her tearful eyes behind the sunglasses.

I am the woman who offers on a weak smile to the stranger’s greetings in passing.

I am the woman who walks in the shadows to be unnoticed.

I am the woman you bump into because you didn’t know she was there.

I am the woman who watches her feet, for she fears the passers by

Might see the stamp of shame on her forehead that isn’t there.

I am the woman who has been judged by society,

Without trial or truths and found to be unworthy.

I am also the woman who is your nurse, that always smiles and greets you by name.

I am also the woman who sits next to you in art class.

Who is working two jobs and going to school.

You know, the one you brag about at your lunches with the “girls”

Because “she’s trying so hard to better herself and I encouraged her, so surely if she succeeds it will be from my thoughtful words…”

The one that if you knew the secrets she held in her heart, you would be talking bad about her to your friends instead of good.

Yes, I am that woman.

I am your neighbor who never attends your Tupperware parties,

Who never stops to gossip and offers a slight nod and retreat into

Her home if you try to speak to her.

I am the manager of your local fast food joint,

You know the one you yelled at today,

Because one of “her” employees fixed your order wrong.

Yes, I am that woman, who still smiled a sympathetic smile,

While you screamed at how incompetent she and “her” staff were.

I am the one who apologized to you sincerely, after you cussed her

And made your food right.

Did you notice that her eyes were filling with tears?

Did it give you pleasure that you made her sorry for

Such a horrendous mistake?

Oh, Yes, I am that woman,

Who went to the back to hide after you left,

Who cried because once again she had been judged,

For the mistake of another and found to be unworthy.

I am the woman who hides from the shame,

That should never be…

Because society has found her guilty.

For surely, if the government said it to be,

Than it must be true.

I am the woman who committed the crime

Of loving her children while being poor.

I am the woman who lost her children

Because she didn’t know how to fight.

I am the woman among you.

I am everywhere.

The tears I shed,

You shall never see.

 I am the woman who suffers

A life time of pain, in silence, so that you

May be comfortable in your life.

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August 2, 2006 - Posted by | Adoption

7 Comments »

  1. OMG, I think that you just described all of us.

    Thoughts and prayers going your way today, Sheri.

    Comment by Leanna Burt | August 3, 2006 | Reply

  2. Wow, this is so powerful! I’m saddened by the state of affairs in this world that you have so many examples of how you weren’t treated with deserved respect and simple kindness. I’m so sorry you have to suffer these indignities.

    Comment by Overwhelmed! | August 3, 2006 | Reply

  3. Wow, this is so powerful! I’m saddened by the state of affairs in this world that you have so many examples of how you weren’t treated with deserved respect and simple kindness. I’m so sorry you have to suffer these indignities.

    You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

    Comment by Overwhelmed! | August 3, 2006 | Reply

  4. Leanna,
    That was what I was hoping to do…I started writing this because of something that happened at work yesterday. and it took it’s own life. I could have kept going but it was getting so long. After the first few words, I knew I was writing for everyone who is and has been suffering in silence like me. Thank you, sweety, and you are in my prayers always.

    Comment by sheribat | August 3, 2006 | Reply

  5. OW, when I first started writing this, it was about me.. but as I told Leanna, after the first few words, it took life and became something much more. Even so, I still was trying to represent other women like me, who lost their children to CPS just because they were poor and not well educated. But when I finally stopped writing and read it over, I realized it sounded a lot like the stories of all the first mother’s I have met.

    Some of the examples are my personal ones, some are examples of women who anyone may have met and never realize the pain that she is hiding. Like me, so many first mothers have very few “in real life” people who know their story. They carry on in daily life and no one knows. That’s what I hope this conveys.

    Thank you for your kindness. You are indeed an understanding person, who gets it.

    Comment by sheribat | August 3, 2006 | Reply

  6. Sheri, this is very true. I think your poem speaks volumes. No one should
    judge other people without trying to find out the truth. I have always been proud of you and always will be.

    All my love,
    Kel

    Comment by Kelly | August 4, 2006 | Reply

  7. Keep writing! I didn’t read all, but enough to hear your heart, and your gift with words! Keep it up, keep a record. Keep letting your story be heard.

    And keep faith. God is watching. He knows.

    Barb

    Comment by Barb | September 14, 2006 | Reply


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