Facing my own demons

adoption, adoption loss, life,

Why I will look into my past

Don't live in the past. Look to the future. You can never move forward if you are always looking back. … All these sayings are worth consideration. But then you have to remember; History repeats itself. ….. How much in your past would you want to be repeated? How much in your past would you prefer that it had never happened, much less happen again?

So this is my logic for looking to the past. You have to know your history to know the mistakes. If you know the mistakes, you need to know why the mistakes were made. And then, perhaps, you can prevent these mistakes from occurring again. Sounds simple enough. …. And yet….. What if you look at the mistakes and you say "oh, if I had not chosen to do that, then none of that would have ever happened." But is it that simple? I think you have to define the "whys" of the choices you made. When did your life start down that particular path? The answer may seem to be obvious, but more than likely, if you think that your mistake started the day you made the mistake, then you are kidding yourself. More than likely, your decision was made because of something so minor and so far back in your past, that you would have never guessed. But I believe that you can find those, ooops, moments, that lead you to the path you took much later in life. You can do this by taking a serious look into your past. Just remembering, without trying to associate any one thing in the past with the problem you want to define the whys of. Just take an open minded look into your past. Allow yourself to reminisce about your past. I theorize that eventually, you will see that "oops" moment. Chances are, you will find that many oops moments were not in your control. Things that happen to you or around you when you were a child are usually completely out of your control. However, if you define the things that happened to you that shapes that part of you that makes bad decisions, I think you can over come those obstacles and make different types of decisions.

Of course, this is only a theory. But I'm going to try it. The way I see it, I have nothing else to loose except what's left of my sanity. (and the idea that I have any sanity left is questionable anyway. Ha)

So there it is. This is why I will be going up to the attic of my mind and searching through those dusty boxes. Could it be that the "If Only's" do have a purpose?

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June 8, 2006 - Posted by | if only, life, past

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